Motherless: Ode to Mother’s Day

Elegance, sophistication, beauty & grace. Charming, generous, selfless, & kind. Everybody loves the ring of all those words. They seem applicable to a woman in your life who you admire or simply: a mom.

A MOM POEM

The steadfast ally, your hero, support staff, or even a sorta saint. The lady who loves you through all your shit, makes sure you always have a birthday cake & that you’re never a minute too late. On the sidelines, always a phone call away, the only one who outlasted every phase of your life. Where home always is, with a spare bedroom just in case you’re on a sorta strike. The person who knows your favorite things, & reminds you of who you are when you forget. Who digs up fun memories, tacky Xmas ornaments ya made in 3rd grade, when you were once the teacher’s pet.

The one who remembers all those special moments when you were small, who makes sure you sit up straight, suck it in & stand tall. Who keeps your pantry filled with emergency chips & cookies for that rainy day. Who knows how a home-cooked meal & a little retail therapy goes a long goddamn way. Who knows just how to cheer u up or cheer u on. Who has that keen sensibility to always tell when something may be wrong. What a special brand of human, a mom. Nothing could ever compete or compare to that lovely special sacred bond.

Elegance, sophistication, beauty & grace. Charming, generous, selfless, & kind. These words sound sweet, nice, delightful & warm. There is no mistake about them. No margin for error. No second-guessing their intent. They are safe honest words. Words that politely smile. Words that give that reassuring wink. Words that do a little curtsy, make ya feel good, even tickled pink.

If a son or, daughter, in this case, can recite any of those words aloud regarding their own mother & mean it, what a true gift! This should never be taken for granted. Because… not everyone can do that. Consider yourself lucky if you can, privileged even, & wealthy beyond measure. Not all moms are gems. In fact, some are just the opposite.

That said, do you know what word single-handedly kills the mood? A word that feels cold, callous, cruel, unkind, uncaring, & unforgiving like a brutal drought, famine or plague? The word: motherless. There it is, all by itself in its puddle of piss. The word even hurts to write, think or say. As if it is even possible to need a word for such a thing. But, unfortunately, it is, on all too many occasions. What a sad state of affairs… being abandoned, thus motherless.

Everyone needs their mom to love them, accept them, nurture them, encourage them, care & be there. Young, old, doesn’t matter what age, a person never outgrows the tenderness of unconditional love. A mom is that one person you can count on to be your biggest fan, secret Santa or perfect gal pal. Your mother is supposed to be the one person you trust, who won’t ever be gone for too long. A girl, a young lady, a woman… needs her mom. All of us need an “Attagirl!” once in a while.

But, unfortunately, some of us do not have that luxury, & not because of a death. But because of deliberate estrangement, which is worse, as far as I’m concerned. My mother, her sister & brother were abandoned by their mother & so I guess that explains why history repeated itself. It’s in the DNA of this family for the women to abandon their children & family for that matter. My mom’s sister, also, an abandoner of sorts. Special thanks goes out to the grandmother I never knew, for setting the stage, setting the standard, & setting in motion a twisted traumatic trend that sailed all the way into the 21st century. She owes me… an apology.

But, I’m beginning to think it’s just better this way. I realize now that I have become a better person without my mother. The insidious damage she inflicted in my youth is finally healing itself. It took 40 long effed up years. And just when I dared to think the coast was clear… more damage incurred, & it took 5 more years. Better late than never, I guess, for my sake. I’m still young enough to have a life. Maybe now I can actually proceed to get on with it & have some sense of normalcy. Like a family or partner maybe, that actually sticks around & CARES? That would be a welcome change. I can’t say that forgiveness is ever easy. It’s not. But, you push & push & push the pain until it goes out the other side. Gradually time heals the injustices of it all. For the most part anyway. Can’t say it ALL magically disappears though.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the motherless people out there, who watch Diane Keaton movies or whatnot, to pretend. Those of us who cringe on Mother’s Day & feel the pit of despair when social media floods with all these perfect mom moments. I get it. You are not alone. I am an adult orphan too. And even though I have only mothered animals in this lifetime due to this flawed lineage, it counts. So happy Mother’s Day to all the pet parents out there too, cheers to you on this day. And salute! To all the “birth moms” too, who were fortunate enough to have the luxury of open adoptions, or not. I’m a birth mom… & we sure do count. And, let us give a proper UN-tone-deaf shout-out to all those whose mothers are MISSING this year. Unfortunately, Covid took many precious lives & moms were a significant part of that demographic. The good news is… moms go to Heaven. That said, finally… God bless the mothers who just couldn’t figure it out enough to show up properly or show up at all. Mother’s Day is for ALL OF US, God doesn’t discriminate.

Thanks for reading. Now, scroll down below & purchase my two new books on Amazon. Show some love this Mother’s Day…

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Namaste!

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Bee in my halo

There indeed is a bee in my halo, but it is nesting peacefully, so I can get all my work done without all the buzz. I dare not disturb him or ruffle his sharp sticky honey-baked fuzz.

I might have a bee in my halo, but it’s a golden one with little golden hairs & a cute wiley grin. He’s been there for several weeks now, just keeping an eye on my nose & chin.

Bees are good omens anyway, they are wonderous totems symbolic of grandeur, sweetness, beauty & luck. They send out signals to angels & faeries to make sure our lives don’t royally sting or suck.

As long as I only have the one, surely not two or three… or I’d be running straight up a tree. More than that, I’d scare the cat. I’d be compelled to scream & shout, & thrash about, trying to shake the dang darn things out.

One bee is fine. It’s actually quite divine. I don’t mind. It’s like having a pet I don’t have to coerce to the vet, that never begs or bites my legs, I don’t have train or walk in the rain.

Which is quite nice, & handy… especially when I have a hankering for honey spun candy. It’s also kinda sacred & silly, like a Buddha named Billy, or a storybook moon in the middle of June at noon in a cartoon outside of a saloon.

I might have a bee in my halo, but he’s well behaved with manners. He actually has cool ideas, sings me songs sometimes & makes sure I never walk underneath ladders.

Bees can be kind pals, as long as you respect their mini fangs & quiet little bee growls, & never invite their swarmy little friends by for dandelion tea or succulent pie.

Your halo will get awfully tired of gleaming, & tilt right over into a hive of bees teaming. Then we will be short a haloed friend in town, & that would be a holy heck of a sad way for this poem to go down.

Thanks for reading!

Jenay D Zapparelli FOLLOW my Author Page! Never miss a beat… & buy books here!

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Ode to Doubt: Yerrrrr Out!

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Ode to Doubt

Get out, doubt! Ya big fat hungry cow. Today I am choosing to live in the worry-free zone of the NOW.

You will not come between me & my passion. I have a love affair to nourish, a fortune to fashion. I have a heart to expand, horizons to stretch. My fuel is FAITH, I have higher planes to catch.

Doubt, you are no pal of mine. Belief is my partner in crime. You won’t  be leaving me in a pickle, with your bad attitude, & uncertainty that’s fickle. Your conniving little riddles no longer rock the boat, cause trust is my companion that keeps these water wings afloat.

I will invite you in, only if you win. I invited the fun, cause it already won. I invite flexible freedom, cause it casts no fears. I invite small pleasures, cause they make memorable days into valuable years.

Get out doubt! You’re just a pushy little swine. You only clutter, close, & callous the mind. Take a sabbatical, a retreat, a long overdue vaycay… dash off to where the warm sea-salted breeze can whittle all your whining away.

Doubt, you are young, dumb, foolish & unrefined. You’re undecided, scared & wasting my time. The tiny little space you rented in the house of my head is foreclosed. You no longer take up residence, are no longer opposed.

You may no longer stay, make me pay, ruin my day. Your time has expired… your fired! You’re just so plain uncouth & so rude, that I’ve decided to replace you with  little Miss Gratitude.

I burnt the box you were in, chimney swept you out. It’s time to go, my dear, please don’t scream & shout. Because I can’t hear you, I listen only to LOVE speak. The rat tales you spun are meager, hapless & weak.

Oh dear lovely sunshine… when you paint the skies today with your ray-filled brush of sorts… I will honor only the blessings that Miss glorious Gratitude courts. I will focus on benefits, bounty, beauty & wealth. I will embrace the sounds, the smells, the gifts of good health.

I look, I see, I acknowledge, I feel, I know. I allow, I am acquainted, I am connected, I flow. I am receptive & open, my heart is sparkly & spacious, my soul is on fire, my spirit is vivacious. I sit & bask, sleep or relax, take the scenic route & drive for miles. Doubt, you’re only a raindrop… in a bucket of contagious smiles.

Rowdy Doubty-pants… I’ve unpaved your silly plans. Sunshine & happiness are my newest friends & fans.

Sport that Diamond sparkly crown, give it all you’ve got! Flip that frown upside down, run & jump & hop! Life is good 🙂

Bob-Marley4

Be gone doubt! Steeeeee-rike!! Yer OUT!!!

…Bitch-ass.

Poof!

#PoeticSoul

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Ode to an Asshole: a soliloquy

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Isn’t it a funny thing how the word asshole doesn’t discriminate? Anyone can be one.

Ode to an Asshole: (poem by Me)

Well send me to school without a lunch, there, lean mean Bo bean Bart…. I’m just an innocent bystander not a board for your dart. Holy mosquita, Rita! What’s in this puddin’ that’s so sour? I’m beginning to leak out my positivity, sanity & power. My brain feels like it might-a fell out around the last bend. I almost forgot how engagement with stupidity, is just a means to an end.

Fetch my scuba gear, Cap-in, cause I’m goin’ in deep. No egocentric bobble head is gonna pounce on my camp & steal my beer while I sleep. Terrorize some other unsuspecting target, ya ratchet piece of shit pie fuck, my time is a precious realm of relevant things, not good vibes you can squelch, snarl at & suck.

Keep your succubus blames & trivial oligarchy to yourself, ya jibber jabber in the corner Chris. You’re cramping my style, fudging my flow & patronizing my bountiful bliss. I suggest ya quell your unearthed issues, petty gossip drama & senseless bullshit… sweetheart honey. Or I reckon the hater hazmat team will toss your car & crib like your hidin’ their diamonds & money.

Hey there soul crushin’ Kyle, your tactics are way out of style. Get back in your cave if you forget how to behave. Get back on your square if you don’t know how to care. Stay in your lane, if your bitch ass can only complain. I’m not a bean bag that you think you can toss. Make one more fool hardy move & it’ll be your big bad hairy loss… there boss.

Threaten me again, & I will call my friends, the fuzz. They’ll knock your pie in the sky claims… clean into tomorrow, Cuz. Karma’s a bitch, she’s got a shit list yay thick & you’re on it in several places, son. Cause you’ve taken my kindness for weakness, & I sure ain’t in holy hot hell or high water …… the one.

Copyright 2017 JZapp

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The Poetic Certainty of Unentertaining Negative Thoughts

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This is a poetic short guide to the Art and Skill of ignoring negative thought patterns that seem to multiply inside the mind without our permission by the thousands, daily. Two literary resources whose material I’m quite fond of, specifically clarify this simple concept in a sweet little practical way. “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff” by the late Richard Carlson PHD, has a whole chapter dedicated to it. And then, every basic book, audio, and video that Eckhart Tolle ever produced, has this concept outlined in quite considerable theoretic detail. Not to mention, Esther Hicks channels Abraham with this concept at the helm.

It’s wonderful and refreshing, those quiet momentous occasions when I have stumbled upon  pearls of wisdom that inspired me to revisit my personal practices. I was reminded recently of how very important of a learned and practiced skill it is, to UnEntertain negative thoughts. The concept is very relevant to the topic of the affirmative action of positive thinking. Within the realm of changing our thoughts to alter our life experience to ultimately rewrite our destiny, we could certainly use all the help we can get.

This concept personified,  is presumably, the very archer of our dear lives that is walking stoic with a few bent arrows, upon the battlefield of the Babylonian mania that exists inside of our minds. The battlefield upon which our dear little-ingrained granules of negative DNA molecules like little micro demons, so irreverently scatter about incessantly like a broken damn record in some weird haunted film. Almost like a mess of sharp tacks tossed across your walkway. Negative thought patterns seem to stick to our mental walls, like pornographic graffiti that takes a kingsize scrub brush and superior industrial cleaning agent to ever even attempt to get off. Erase, discard, eradicate, defer, debunk, derail, desensitize, deglamorize, dehypnotize, de-energize, undo, unglue.

Boo! Scare it out. Scream and shout. Do not feed complaints or doubt. Never let too much anger or vengeance or fear amount. Be the eager little soldier or scout. UnEntertain its darn downright dirty little secret pout. Let it out, by UnEntertaining its sneaky ruthless route. It’s such an attention seeker. A stalker, a tweeker. A ham for the limelight. A sore impetuous sight. A rambling ruse attempting to distract our muse. A fancy false filament of verbiage we must not use. It only wants us for the sole purpose of abuse. It is our job, to appropriately choose. To ignore their negative nasty smelly worn-out shoes.

Let’s pretend that they don’t even count. Let them pass to the flipside where they have no clout. They’ll disappear, and disintegrate into billions of particles to never again be found out. This, my friend, is the Art of UnEntertaining the poisonous nothings that roam aimlessly about. Nagging & nitpicking our mental hallways, they seem to be there somewhere… just always. Waiting to disrupt, tangle or meddle in business not their own. They hide and lie and waddle and moan. They will try to catch a lift, latch on like a leech or a tick. They’ll begin to suck the blood out of anything they pick. But if we choose to UnEntertain their drama, lure or tricks, we will certainly master the art of dodging bullets, stones, rocks, boulders and sticks. AKA: negative thoughts. Blah zee blah blah blah. Run along now, gruff grumbling antics, take your false hooded sinister semantics.

No more tea and crumpets for you, we no longer Entertain any sorry ass uninvited thought untrue. We only have caviar and an open bar prepared for our guests, the ones whose motives are only to bless. Keep it movin’, keep it steppin’, keep it real. I am wise enough to choose to UnEntertain your useless spiel. Negative thought? What negative thought? Nelly? Who the helly is Negative Nelly?

The Cuban cigar, the Ribeye steak, you will not get the privilege to partake. The feathered throw pillow or the 20-year scotch. Not on my couch, not on my watch. We don’t Entertain frauds, or fools who have no good intentions. We only pay our mind to right thoughts that give us healthy habits, and honorable interventions. Take a hike Meddlesome Mike. Scram, ya big fat ham, Hit the road Juvenile Jack. Store is closed. Lights turned off. Now flock to another flame, you rammy little moth. We learned to ReTrain the Brain, not even a wild horse can take our eagle eye off the game. We know how to judiciously UnEntertain!

Whew! That was a close call & almost a really low blow… get off my property, ya mangy scavenger crow. Shoo ya big moose. For your service we have no use. Go away, and take your car salesman undermining tactics. Go back to your 1980s weird science lab of poisonous pretend prophylactics. We take vitamins and drink the clean refreshment of right positive mental flow. Take your negative words and whispers and please just go!!!!! We live in the New Age, where we have grown to fastidious heights. One thing that we’ve learned how to do, is to unfly dangerous kites.

Black magic, be gone! Storm your way out into the perilous winds of distress. There’s nothing for you to feed off of here, nothing to make a mess. Poised and protected, the gladiator within rocks a heroic hoist. Standing tall she knew exactly how to make her choice. Amidst the groveling viral voices within, batting her lashes with that rainmaker grin…. her heart embraces only the ribbons of wealth… weaving their way… to perfect mind-body health. Owning authority and accountability for her personal space and domain, negative thoughts, not even a minute longer do we foolishly Entertain!

Ha!

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The End

Poem authored by:

JZapp

Copyright  2016

All rights reserved

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Grand Central Station: so is life

I spent a lot of my life wishing I was a cat. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I will just reincarnate right away into one for my next life… lol.

I believe in fate. But I also believe that we play our part to construct its design. There’s not much in the way of limits on what we can manipulate or maneuver in order to fashion fate. the one thing I do know, recognize & realize…is that one day we will all fall down. Meaning: the body will eventually surrender its service to us.

Which is fine. I’m okay with that. The scary part, I guess, is just, ya know, wondering how it will happen or when…

Not knowing is where the mystique of the unknown creeps in & fear rears its weird bizarro creepy face.

But, ya know, ya just gotta think about it this way… who cares… how or when. Cause fate has a way of finding us no matter what cards we play. We are basically powerless for that matter in that department, so… why worry?

And that’s fine too, cause life is fleeting & short as shit any way you slice it. 🙂

In a blink of an eye, we all pass each other by.

Some stay long, some leave us. But life is really all just a big fat giant Grand Central Station full of people gettin’ in & out of trains, on over to buses, cars, & cabs all day long. People are rushing, runnin’, walkin’, sprinting, sitting, or snoozed out. Crossing paths, comin’, goin’, passing through, traveling to & from all sorts of different destinations. Some ride together, some don’t. We have our drivers, passengers, leaders, followers. People who solicit, people who preach, sell things, steal things, meet for the first time or run into each other again. People making friends, networking, following routines or routes. Conversating, making small talk or connecting. Goin’ on vacation, trips, work, school, or just goin’ back home. Or maybe just getting on each others nerves & pushing each other out of the way to climb the steps, catch the elevator or ride in the front or the back. People text, tweet, snapchat or skype. Record things, snap pics, drink a beer, watch the game or play one. People wait, are late, eat, flirt, kiss, hug, hold hands. Drink coffee & energy drinks, chew gum, smoke whatever it is people are smokin’ theses days & read… papers, magz, whatever the heck else work, school or pop culture requires.

Let’s rejoice in today. And the bus, train, path & journey we are on. And the person, people, things, animals, kids, events & experiences taking place near us, on it. Cause this moment counts. Everything in it counts. They are all precious pieces to the cosmic puzzle. And maybe we are all just here in this life, to recognize that.

Today’s power thought: “Today, i will slow down… so that I may recognize the moment & in doing so, I will recognize fearlessly, all life has to show & offer me, with an elevated heart, mind & consciousness. It is my pleasure to live in this very moment!”

Thanks Universe! For giving me another day, opportunity, the wellness & secret ambition to do so!

Peace!

JZapp 😉

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Witch on board

I’m a Witch. A cosmic one.

“Hey slick, what part of that don’t you understand?” lol

The word witch, is so poignant & compelling.

The very sound of it, is seductive.

The very vibration it carries in the air it’s hung…

The word: Witch

Lovely & free, beautiful & graced. Lighting little fires, cooking things to taste.

One who mends, blends, heals & reveals. One who glows, flows, dream weaves & feels.

One who conjures, one who sows….your deepest desires, she inherently knows.

One who grows gifts to give, shed, & share… to infuse delight into all those aware.

One who speaks truth… & whispers the little most magnificent praises.

One who draws upon love to navigate through the most difficult mazes.

She has a collection of books & an army of muses… a kaleidoscope of colors to paint however she chooses.

Witch… she is a warrior of Light.

A Queen of Fate.

A mysterious messenger of peace.

A demonstrator of beauty & kindness.

She walks off… echoing billions of tiny feathered wings & things upon her trail.

Leaving eternal marks & white hot sparks.

She’s a smokin’ hot bitch!

She’s a Witch.

Oh look!

“There she goes… there she goes again… racing through my brain… and I just can’t contain, this feeling that remains…

—Sixpence None the Richer


“Witch on board”

Copyright: 2014

JZapp

#Chic Power

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