The Pitch: Don’t be a hollow shell alone on a step. Waiting for that moment. That day. That person. That fortune. That job. That opportunity. That discovery. That inspiration. That burst of energy. That plan to emerge. That strategy to unfold. That destiny to unveil. That fame to reclaim. That popularity to win over fans. That post or video to go viral. Waiting to be noticed, loved, doted upon, recognized, treated kind, fair or put first? Waiting for the big break, to catch a break, to heal from a break, to be caught up enough to take a break? Waiting for your ticket to ride, advance, know more, find out why, reveal the real deal? Waiting for the ship to roll in with your name on it?
Here it is… the ship with your name on it. What do ya think… you just stumbled upon this message by accident? Don’t be a hollow shell waiting on a step. Be a badass in flight dropping truth bombs & happy dust all over town with your wand of wisdom & winning attitude. Be an active conductor of the Truth Train, and bless all the people with remedies they can count on. Keep going. No one is stopping you. We are behind you 100%. Success is imminent.
On Branches: Wanna know more about the people in your backyard? Observe the magazines in the local market’s vestibule. Observe the kind of stores that are strategically placed in a 5-mile radius. Simple, but it makes sense, just like you can tell a person by opening their fridge, peeking in on their bathroom sink, sock drawer, Netflix cue, Amazon wishlist, or mobile homescreen. All things in life are extensions of other things. Life is all about branches & fruits. You can learn a lot about a person by the company they keep, their habits, what they pay attention to, how they spend their time, who they share time with. Time is a valuable thing. Energy is a valuable thing. Sleep is a very valuable thing. Water, breathing, quiet time, & self-care are above all, very valuable things. The quality of these things is, in essence, an extension of you. They are indeed the fruits of your tree. Either they are juicy & ripe or dried-out & rotting.
On Manifesting: There’s a fine line between keeping your eye on the prize & obsessing over it out of fear of missing it. There’s a fine line between identifying needs for the purpose of self-care, nourishment & nurturing… & then being almost trapped in a state of constant excessive awareness of your needs. Don’t allow yourself to be assaulted by the neediness, worry, fear, & paranoia that produces incestuous lack, which winds up producing the exact opposite of anything you are hoping to achieve (manifest). Release the need to needy in every way, shape, form & fashion it comes in, acting all like it’s trying to protect you (Ha!). On the contrary… it is the one thing that’s single-handedly keeping what you want from not showing up. It’s single-handedly keeping you from healing, recovering, bouncing back, or moving forward. Keep your eye on the prize without obsessing over it.
G-Nugg: “Giving is just as equally important as RECEIVING, in this life.”
On Living Life to the Fullest: Life is an amazing reservoir of opportunities, options, & moments to LIVE. Plenty, abundance, prosperity, wellness, joy, peace, fortune… ALLOW IT. Be a Baller & a Buddha @ the same exact time. Complete all tasks with a vigilant heart for creativity, quality, efficiency, & integrity. No matter how focused we are as a Baller though, be sure to always remain eternally one with the zen of “moment” paradise like a Buddha. You might have heard of the concept: BE HERE NOW. Master it. Life can indeed be an easy, free zone of uncontained wisdom that will be the driving force compelling you to exceed limitations, gain advantages, seize opportunities with bells on, see the world through a lavish lense, experience the bold & beautiful, & at once… dance in the cliched rain & actually feel alive. For real.
On what is New Earth: There is no such thing as failure or disappointments. Only great strides in making the most out of teachable moments no matter what the false illusion wants to spin. Life may not always be a bowl of cherries & sunshine but it indeed is definitely what you make it. It takes a true soldier of soul to advance on this planet. The faint of heart often settle for less, compromise their truth to just settle into a compartmentalized seemingly safe existence. If you don’t think outside the box you will be contained. The soldier of soul will keep on braving the big waves of travesty & triumph the imbalance of injustice, until one day, he or she arrives at the doorstep of harmony. Harmony, where Love reigns supreme & dark & light forge new territory together as a team. Discovering new lands like Cosmic Columbus’ pioneering the Americas in a whole new way. This my friend… IS the dawning of “New Earth.” Welcome to your next adventure. It starts NOW.
On Why to Buy These Books Now: Click below to get your copies of my TWO new books & be on your way to finally embodying the peace & harmony that only Gurus were thought to have access to. Everything you just read & so much more will be covered in full detail. Be on your way to a worry-free fortunate existence once & for all that lasts way beyond this life & then some. The soul work you put in while in this human suit, the wisdom you gain, enlightenment & inner freedoms you accrue here, are permanent notches in the belt of your soul self. You may not be able to take material wealth with you when you die, but you can sure as sh** take this kind of cosmic fortune. Mark my words. This is WHY your kindness matters in this life, etc etc etc.
On What You Can Do to Help: At this stage of the game, circa Age of Aquarius 2021, there is nothing I want more in this life, at this time than my books to go viral. Why? So our world can indeed be a better place… one by one, two by two, one family at a time, then one community at a time. World Peace is on the horizon & these two books will open the door for anyone who wants to be an ambassador. And this: I shall make happen, in one way or another, fam.
That said… thanks for tuning in! YOU can help the cause by commenting, tapping LIKE or FOLLOW, writing a REVIEW on Amazon or Goodreads, SUBSCRIBE to New Earth Now youtube channel… & SHARING IS CARING! Spread the love. Appreciate ya! Ciao! Cheers! Namaste
Exercise your right to total freedom here with practical, reliable, bitesize common sense ways to: enrich, enhance, advance your life & everyone in it just by being a better version of yourself. Shake for GOOD, all the disruptive, oftentimes rude, attachments, entanglements & entities that may have unconsciously been sabotaging your life by default all these years without permission. These books are here to help you become undone from that once & for all.
Clear cache here. Unhitch here. Unglitch here. Unstitch here. Unbitch here. And reclaim your awesome person suit. Gentle soul suit. Kind human suit. Chillaxed individual suit. Totally together, dressed for any kind of weather suit. My Elite Spirit Guide Team & I have your back at the highest most benevolent level & will not let you down here. I can promise you, that your life will be swept with excellence & new Springtime stardust if you choose to absorb the information in these two books.
I have been told by benevolent forces beyond my knowing that merely reading/listening to them is an INSTANT activation & will clean up your auric field just by the mere focussed intent to comprehend their new perspectives. Participation, engagement, a deliberate open mind, thus heart & a willingness to be flexible in thinking… is the key to YOUR NEXT LEVEL. All you have to do is walk through the doors of opportunity as they come.
Here is one now.
Click below to get your copies & be on your way to finally embodying the peace & harmony that only Gurus were thought to have access to. Be on your way to a worry-free fortunate existence once & for all that lasts way beyond this life & then some. The soul work you put in while in this human suit on this planet, the wisdom you gain, enlightenment & inner freedoms you accrue here, are permanent notches in the belt of your soul-self. You may not be able to take material wealth with you when you die, but you can sure as sh** take this kind of cosmic fortune. Mark my words. This is WHY your kindness matters in this life, etc etc etc.
At this stage of the game, circa Age of Aquarius 2021, there is nothing I want more in this life, at this time, than my books to go viral. Why? So our world can indeed be a better place… one by one, two by two, one family at a time, then one community at a time. World Peace is on the horizon & these two books will open the door for anyone who wants to be an ambassador. And this: I shall make happen, in one way or another, fam.
That said… thanks for tuning in! YOU can help the cause by commenting, tapping LIKE or FOLLOW, writing a REVIEW on Amazon or Goodreads, SUBSCRIBE to New Earth Now youtube channel… & SHARING IS CARING! Spread the love. Appreciate ya! Ciao! Cheers! Namaste
We are all just souls incarnate, souls in suits, reincarnated. All lives equally matter. When we separate each other by color, class or gender, in the media especially, we are doing humanity a great disservice. When is the collective going to celebrate PEOPLE? Not black or white or green or blue or purple… just, PEOPLE, human beings & their accomplishments. People & the souls within them are made of the exact same material as other souls. Divisiveness is insidiously undermining our youth to compare, contrast, judge & categorize by SKIN COLOR. It is taxing, toxic & traumatizing, & doesn’t send the right message. Historic discrimination, unequal rights, slavery & sexual misconduct shouldn’t define who we are today, & should not rightfully define our behavior going forward. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
ALL LIVES MATTER. Not white, not black, brown, tan, yellow, blue, red, lavender… ALL. We were all here before. 1000s of lives. Recycled thousands of times. Only to return over & over to begin again be born & die again then come back as our neighbor. So the gender, color, class, creed, nationality, you just so happen to be in this life is just an illusion. Last life you were someone else… that was most likely the polar opposite of who you are now. If you are a man… you were most likely a woman. If you are black… you were probably white, so on & so forth. We all need to take a good hard look at who we really are at our core & stop producing more racecards.
Regarding this ludacris social & political debate over gender… Ancient Lemurians from thousands of years ago were androgynous beings that existed here on Earth as a type of humanoid species. So, what difference does it make if a person in this day & age is what we are calling: “Transgender?” Who made up the fake rule that there are only TWO genders? Apparently, there are two… and a bunch of levels in-between. It goes as far back as Ancient Civilizations. Race, color, gender, religion, culture, creed does not apply when it comes to the heart, soul & mind.
Click below to get your copies of my two new books & read all about my life story in them. Or follow any of the links to jump on my team. And, I made a “music video” for my books down below featured on my new Youtube channel if you want to check out my newest Art. Just PRESS PLAY below. Thanks for reading!
Jenay Zapp is an Independent Author who had been the “starving artist” archetype most of her life. Currently, a “school of hard knocks” graduate with a master’s degree from “thug life Institute” she managed to miraculously survive seemingly unscathed. A product of a dysfunctional childhood, her self-worth was starving in every direction while all her shining potential was being continuously suffocated by a plethora of unresolved karma, unhealed trauma, anger, sadness & fear. She played the role of “only child,” abused, abandoned, wounded, troubled kid, & rebellious teen, who then went on to be the bipolar addict, scammer, thief, hooker, sugar baby, party girl, drunk driver, & escape artist. This resulted in the archetypes of inpatient, inmate, convict, parolee, loner, orphan, victim, survivor. Then she went on to be the almost mother, wanna-be wife, other woman, & scorned woman. She was the gig worker, cleaner, clerk, dead end job employee, struggling service industry staff/stressed-out Sous Chef. Then her one last-ditch effort was the wounded healer, lonely lightworker, emotional empath, broken poet, pseudo boss babe, & aspiring millionaire. “Poor me” another glass of “whine.” You name it.
Then one day in year 2020 at age 45 there was a world pandemic & all restaurant workers were laid off. She made an executive decision to become completely 100% free of meat, dairy, drugs, alcohol, smoke, processed food, toxic relationships, unhealthy choices & unnecessary habits. Micro organizing everything from online folders to sock drawers, she trimmed all fat, cut out all drama, mindless chatter, & superfluous engagement. She significantly minimized: consumption, plastic, waste, distractions, binge watching, binge shopping & binge eating, at which time she produced her two latest books. She has no family, no parents, siblings, friends, support system or partner to speak of. No one except her two cosmic cats & her Elite Team of Spirit Guides who work in conjunction with her to produce all projects. It looks like the refiners fire produced a gem.
Read book descriptions. Use the “Look Inside” feature. See for yourself.
SUBJECTS: Nonfiction. Inspirational. Motivational. Health & Wellness. Self-empowerment. Self-development. Ascension. New Earth. 5th Dimension. Human Potential Movement. Real History. Pop Culture. Autobiography. Cosmic Consciousness. Animal Rights. Human Rights. Holistic Healing. Addiction Recovery. Mindfulness. Spirit Guides. Nature. Mysticism. Spirituality. Social Justice. America. Mind, Body, Spirit. Soul Mastery. Metaphysics. Quantum Mechanics. The Great Awakening. Chakras. Energy. Meditation. Law of Attraction. Universal Law. Deliberate Creation. Manifestation. Miracles.
Published by: BookonFire Press /www.bookonfireblog.com/ “Revolutionizing the World One Book at a Time.”
Click below to get your copies of my two new books & read all about my life story in them. Or follow any of the links to jump on my team. And, I made a “music video” for my books down below featured on my new Youtube channel if you want to check out my newest Art. Just PRESS PLAY below. Thanks for reading!
RIGHT NOW, your vibe counts above all else this very minute. Above all else in this space. Above all else as it pertains to this life, world, society, your home, circle, team, family, business, work, game, goal, plan, intention, strategy, regimen, day, week, class, commute, trip, meeting, project, event, activity, celebration, collaboration, correspondence, communique, get-together, or gathering. Above all else in your yesterday, today & tomorrow, because your vibe is what determines your quality of life & of every single encounter & experience you have. Within those, you thus have an opportunity to inflict or inspire. Your vibe, your choice. Choose wisely, because what you resound defines your presence.
Your PRESENCE is what people feel. Your presence is what people know. Your presence is what people remember. Your presence is the “take away.” The world is a big stage & your stage presence is your VIBRATION, & above all else… it is all that really matters. What’s BEHIND the mask, is what matters. The message behind the post, the personality behind the selfie, the intellect behind the accolades, the heart behind the winner, the meaning behind the song. Your vibe is what hangs in the air after you’re not there. It’s the gift that keeps on giving long after you’re gone. Your vibe is what leaves the impression, what spearheads the impact, what internalizes the influence. Your mood or attitude indicates your vibe, so check it.
The only reason why anyone is important in this world, to anyone… is because of the way they make people feel, AKA: your signature VIBE. So… tend to your “garden.” Make your garden great. Make your sanctuary harmonious, luscious & inviting to hummingbirds, not scavenger crows. Consume the finest quality food, intel, news, vibes, sights, sounds, words, thoughts, values, company, conversation, entertainment, music, BOOKS. These two books will shower your garden with diamond rays of golden light. #MyAmazonBooksR4Sale RIGHT NOW.
What’s in them:
They both include very important NEW information for overall health & wellbeing no matter who you are. Gender, age, race, religion, culture, color, creed, all apply. In this case, one size actually does fit all.
They both provide an advanced understanding of the 21st century, of Love redefined & after reading these, it looks like God will have no more gray areas. Guaranteed.
I highly recommend them to anyone wanting to grasp the bigger picture of what exactly is happening to America, our world & human civilization at large.
Allow me to tie it all in for you, make perfect sense of the past, present & future of our species, & familiarize you with a vantage point>>> the likes of which you’ve never had before.
And, even though they both contain heavy-duty topics… as always, they skip down memory lane like a champ & are peppered with an excellent sense of humor, if I do say so myself.
You will also gain access to my signature “Dimension Diagram” that you will find nowhere else, that explains in full clarity each dimension beyond what google or any other resource contains. You will receive a 21-page awesome journal & (that’s not all) lol, you will also gain access to a complete Soul Activation. Cheers to that!
Plus… catch my charming rendition of a 2020 time capsule & dunt da da da: my remarkable life story in its entirety all the way up to now, in two made for TV chapters that will indeed make you want more.
Click below to get your copies of my two new books & read all about my life story in them. Or follow any of the links to jump on my team. And, I made an incredible “music video” for my books down below featured on my new Youtube channel if you want to check out my newest Art. Just PRESS PLAY below. Thanks for reading!
Well, it took an entire whole year, this past one, to recover from the restaurant industry. I worked in it my whole life for the most part. The Clover snack bar at 17 was my first go of it. Then I was a McDonald’s burger flipper on the assembly line when I was 3 months pregnant in Bucks County Correctional Facility’s work-release program. I went to Culinary School eventually after a long crazy drug addiction & then I had a long crazy career front & back of house. This past year really gave me exactly what I needed to let go of all that. Change my identity. Free myself from all the stereotypes & archetypal personas I had to carry through all of it. Circa 2020 gave me the grace period to overcome. All the gunk accrued over a lifetime of late nights, non-slip shoes, beat-up feet, bags, circles & hangovers.
The restaurant business is the greatest place to have a wild ride & create the best memories you will ever have. Ya make best friends, collect a list of clandestine loves of your life, glide in & out of people’s charming little lives. You become family. They become yours. But there always comes a time when the party must go on without ya. That’s me now. And I gotta say, as much as I questioned it over & over again at first… I knew It had to be done. But the song didn’t stop playing until recently. It took every bit of a whole entire year to get over that love affair I had with the business. And gee, am I sure glad I had the courage & where-with-all to follow through. Because ya know what came of it? These TWO BOOKS.
Click below to get your copies of my two new books & read all about my life story in them. Or follow any of the links to jump on my team, would love to have ya. And, I made an incredible “music video” for my books down below featured on my new Youtube channel if you want to check out my newest Art. Just PRESS PLAY below. Thanks!
I am an excellent writer. I have come a long hard way, to become the refined gem that I am now in my craft. But the one thing that I haven’t mastered in writing, honestly, is conveying my real-life feelings in real-time. Telling my story has always been a challenge. Even though I officially disclosed my entire life story in the middle of the one book I just published, it was the toughest part of the whole project. Emotions run high & judgment is a big factor, not to mention, other people’s business, reputations or privacy is at stake, or worse… people could potentially be hurt or incriminated. So, hence, I was quick to develop a skill of not “naming names.” Plus, if ANYTHING is unhealed from your story, it will show. And that is never… a good look.
Emotional ties tend to cloud objectivity, like when the plaintiff is a family member & you’re on the jury. The pure channel gets staticy, the waves get choppy, the call drops. Unkempt emotions will thus attempt to interfere with any sacred stream of consciousness & complicate the otherwise unimpeded providence of that certain caliber of inspired written flow a good writer has. But, I am gonna go for it anyway, despite all that, because it’s the only way I will improve that underserved area of my writing expertise. I really have nothing to lose at this point by doing so. If I based my readership range on likes & shares, it surely would appear as if no one ever reads my stuff. If & when they do, I barely get an iota of feedback, so I would never know anyway. Like I said… what to lose? Nada.
I am a kind person, I’m not trying to hurt anybody or make anyone feel bad. I have no real ill will anymore towards anyone. No need to forgive anyone for anything, when you have healed. It is what it is. But, ya know, ya can’t go around just people-pleasing all the time & hiding your true feelings just for the sake of being PC on some level you may think is appropriate. What IS appropriate… is to be true to oneself. Anything otherwise is comparable to a type of dumbing down, or it’s like being a vegan & hanging out at the “Wild Wing Cafe” cause that’s where your friends choose to go. Your first loyalty is to your own voice.
That said, I am not gonna keep pretending like it’s okay or that it is “normal,” that I literally have zero support in life, for me, my dreams, goals, plans or endeavors. I think it’s actually safe to say, I have no support system. I have zero family that cares enough in any way shape or form, as to actually take TIME out of their lives to reach out, engage with me, get to know me or have anything to really do with me, so to speak, let alone say a single word about my books or whatnot. I bet not one single person in my entire family, extended or otherwise… even knows the names of my cats. The only semblance of home I ever have or feel is when I watch my prized collection of Diane Keaton movies. I get grounded & reset every time, thank god for Hollywood.
I can only guess that most of the bridges are burnt somehow. And the ones that are not burnt, were just never even built in the first place. I have no brothers & sisters, & both of my parents were NOT family people that cared to keep connections alive. All my friendships are dead. And, every contact I have ever had has no meaning or value for me anymore. I may as well just literally delete every number in my phone, like all 100 of them. I am not a part of any family, circle, tribe, or community. People from my past, just aren’t there anymore. I don’t seem to attract anyone who “gets me” on any other level than a surfacy one, which is a far cry from anyone that even reads my stuff or pays any attention to what I believe in & stand for. Except, the one security guard guy at the local grocery store. He bought my books… but I think he just thinks that maybe, somehow if he is lucky, that will get him closer to my bed. I’m not lying. Good guy & all, but he is MARRIED. I’m through with that phase of my life where I sneak around with unavailable men. I’ve since become more virtuous these days, if you will.
I have one Christian friend who carves minutes out of her otherwise busy life for me (typically when en route), once a month, & she is really only there for me because I seemingly have no one else, & it’s the Christian thing to do. Don’t get me wrong, our friendship is mutual & genuine, but it’s a long-distance one at best & yes, she is my ONE emergency contact. So besides her & a couple of estranged texts from former associates… my ex-boyfriend’s mom, the former “monster-in-law” for lack of a better way to describe it, is the only person who has congratulated me on my books after they were published. The ex-mom-in-law actually responded to my heart-felt group email I put so much time & effort into, which is more than I can say for pretty much everyone else on that list, all 300 of them. That’s pretty nuts if ya ask me. All those emails couldn’t have all gotten lost, lol. Anyway, she is the only person who I know actually read all my books, likes them & leaves good reviews. To be honest… for an ex-mother-in-law from 6 years ago to be the only one I feel SEES me? You can’t tell me that’s not awkward.
Then, we have the singular phone call. It’s the ONE phone call I ever get besides creditors, & the student loan forgiveness people. It is an ex ex-boyfriend from a really long time ago, & because I never answer, he winds up leaving silly drunk messages on my voicemail that never make any sense. I have a collection of them at this point. He’s married with a stepson & has been blowing up my phone religiously 3x a week for the past 2 years straight, to no avail. I mean, okay, it makes me feel loved sorta, but, that’s weird. The cute chubby lady that works here in the shopping center, is my weekly go-to for a soul sister pow wow giggle in the cashier’s line for 10 minutes each week. And who knew the Amazon customer service agent would be the one person I talked to, the entirety of the Christmas holiday.
I mean, I am blessed to the max, don’t get me wrong. I have a charming little sparkly life with my 2 great cosmic cats in my tiny bohemian sage-smudged sanctuary. My solitary life is actually pretty amazing in its own right or else I wouldn’t write & sell books on how to have a good life, lol. My blessings are not even remotely based on people though, as against popular belief as that sounds. It is based on many other valuable factors. What I do have in the way of people in my life, is treasured, of course. I am certainly grateful for all the indiscriminate Earth Angels that speckle my path, even though the connections are oddly scarce & more or less surfacy at this stage of the game. I gotta say, if “what comes around goes around” happened in any kind of obvious way, if tit for tat was the equation, you’d think I was a total asshole. But the truth is, I’m the polar opposite of asshole, my M.O. is “Secret Santa” out in society & on social media. So, this friend/family/people desert happening to my life right now, has got to be some kind of “necessary evil” to the next chapter. I can accept that, but it still doesn’t make it feel good.
So, as I was saying… then we have the neighbor across the way who is the only person I hang out with on a regular basis & that is only because he has no family, friends or life either. We kind of find solace in each other’s company every other weekend for approx 2 hours, when he takes me to run errands because I have no wheels right now. But what you have to understand about this guy, is… he has such a heavy southern draw, that I seriously do not understand anything he says unless I pay really close attention. Our friendship basically consists of him flirting & me laughing it off, & then I usually vent for 20 minutes somewhere in-between, so I can get stuff off my chest. The guy is a sweet man, but we are just friends unfortunately for him. And, with all due respect, I don’t think he would ever be into anything I write about, he is your epitome of a “simple man” who has either fished or worked in a factory setting his whole life, for all intents & purposes. His apartment consists of a bed, a TV & a big dirty smoldering ashtray.
Then, there’s the older “dad guy” friend who used to be my next-door neighbor, til I found his son dead from an overdose when he wasn’t there. Now he has moved downtown, & even though he gets social security checks, he drives Uber so he can support his recreational coke habit. He only calls every other month when he dries out, to rattle on about politics. Then afterward he typically sends me like literally 35 follow-up text messages containing links to all kinds of controversial articles. Then there’s the other “dad guy” friend who I met because he had a Casio keyboard for sale on Craigslist when I first moved here 5 years ago & I bought it. We are still friends. He’s married, retired, & watches his grandkids all the time, & can only sneak out to talk to me once in a while for like 10 minutes if I’m lucky. Yes, he is supportive from a distance, shows me some compassion when I need it, but again, doesn’t read my books or is really a part of my life other than scant phone calls over the years. Don’t get me wrong… those phone calls mean a heck of a lot, considering my circumstances. He kind of serves as a surrogate uncle or something.
In the current state of my connections, it appears that no one has time for me. Everybody has a family of their own, a circle, responsibilities, commitments, loyalties, people that take precedence & priority well over whoever I even am to them. The person that does have time for me, the ex ex… is in an unhappy marriage, on disability & is always drunk, so that doesn’t count. My MOTHER is still alive, & lives in Australia with a whole nother family, for 15 years now, & she only contacts me via email once in a blue moon with some generic “hope you’re well” note. Once in a while, she will discreetly chime in like how she just subscribed to my new YouTube channel the other day under AN ALIAS, mind you. But, who has time for games? Life is too short & precious to be a weird clandestine person in the background of your only daughter’s life, allegedly hiding it from your husband & his family, for some ridiculous reason. Yeah, that’s real good for the kid’s self-esteem, lol. Lucky I’m grown & don’t rely on others for my self-worth.
Speaking of mothers, we then have the woman who served as a surrogate sister/best friend/mom, that was my go-to person for just about everything. I’ve known her for 30 years, & basically talked to her every single week for the past 5 years. This was the only real enduring relationship I thought I had in my life. But, the blinders came off when all of a sudden she dropped out of my life right before Christmas, for reasons beyond me. All I know is… she was in a kind of dark place. So, I’m gonna just let it go at that & try not to take it personally. Then, we have the former best friend/travel partner/colleague who recently walked back into my life via phone/text. She & I were enthusiastically acting like we were gonna resume where we left off, & then suddenly she straight dropped right off, a day after that very phone call, despite my efforts to maintain the connection. A cornerstone of friendship… is being AVAILABLE, as far as I’m concerned. Otherwise, you just feel rejected & not important enough in a friendship that’s anything less. My own 16-year old son & his entire adoptive family who used to support me & communicate with me, just don’t now anymore either. I text my son & I get zero reply, & same thing with most everyone else I text, it’s very strange. If someone were to ever want to spend actual TIME with me right now, I think I’d be floored at this point.
The theme of my life now is literally “radio silence.” No one has given me any substantial or significant support, love, care, compassion or encouragement at this stage of my dreams, what-so-ever. This is precisely why I dedicated both of my newest books to my cats & the animals of the world. At least my cats love & support me, which is more than I can say for ANYBODY that I know, with all due respect to the aforementioned people. Even though, I have had a handful of compliments/congrats via text from certain former friends & colleagues, maybe 2 or 3 likes on Insta & Fb, & my Dad’s sister sent me ONE nice text… it pales in comparison to what I believe I truly deserve. Not to sound arrogant, but the work I do is worthy of great recognition, high regard & accolades. My elite team of benevolent Spirit Guides that channel this material through me, are no joke. Not sure why it seems like people are not taking me seriously when I say that these books are official. These books are NEXT LEVEL & are indefinitely meant for the masses or else I wouldn’t boast them the way I do. I’m obviously grateful for what love, praise or acknowledgment I do receive. But, if you were me, you would feel slighted by pretty much every single person you have ever been associated with too. Sometimes I just chalk it up to my imagination. But clearly… at this point, now that I have gone as far as writing this blog… IT’S NOT.
Here’s a kicker… so I send a group email to what I am calling “the soul tribe” group of people who essentially were my online mentors all summer for all intents & purposes. I sent this email to thank them & to let them know that I gave each & every one of them a special shout-out & “plug” in BOTH of my books. Well, I did manage to receive email replies from 2 assistants that confirmed receipt. Then I received three actual replies of congrats from 3 mentors, which I am super grateful for & to be honest, helped to significantly keep the good vibes afloat. Because, frankly, I felt snubbed by the others, especially considering that I singled out a few & wrote them personal heartfelt messages. But to no avail, I was pretty much rejected or ignored by people that I really thought better of, who I wrote generous things about in my books, which is somewhat disheartening to say the least. Then the cherry on the top was my copywriting teacher whom I had a real-life virtual rapport with, basically came at me & called my dreams SPAM, pretty much, because I seemingly do not fit into her BOX. As far as I am concerned, she could have approached me on a more considerate tip. That said, I have been feeling discouraged lately, I’m only human. I have been rejected over & over & over & over. I have been ignored, dissed, abandoned, avoided, treated like I have the plague on social media & LinkedIn. It is starting to wear on me.
Everybody is either too famous, in-demand, exclusive or already has a network they have allegiance to. People are too involved with their projects, businesses, big dreams, love affairs, kids, pets, plans, relationships, responsibilities, families, jobs, careers, chores, errands, school, activities. People are consumed, distracted, on a schedule & have allegiance to everything that’s important to them. Essentially, no body has room for me at the table. I get it. I’m not mad. I just feel like I have to say it out loud, before it drives me totally up a wall, cause I have no one to vent it to. This past Christmas morning, an old friend from H.S. sent me her email address with the green light to send her my press release & that was literally the best thing that happened to me that whole day, if that says anything. People who have stuck around in the background of my life, faintly lingering, are just being polite as far as I’m concerned. Folks that were my restaurant customers at some point who had a special rapport with me back then, are beginning to now fade almost indefinitely out of the picture, I can feel it on both a fundamental & energetic level.
I had a boss one time at a restaurant I worked at 6 years ago, that fired me & when he did, he said that he only hired me in the first place because he felt sorry for me, not because of my resume, skills, personality or because I was qualified. Well, that stuck with me, because that was really insulting, not to mention he fired me for a totally unfair sexist reason, on my 40th birthday & actually had the nerve to slight my weight in the process. My point is, that even though I’m long over it, sometimes I feel like the girl from 6 years ago, even though I am totally NOT that girl anymore, anger issues & mommy /daddy issues & all. I am done feeling like the stray dog or the orphan, the one that has no kids, family or partner, the damaged goods, the addict archetype, the party girl, the late bloomer, the one who has no place to go on holidays or whatever. I might stand alone in this room with two cats, but I’m on the verge of a really great new beginning, I just know it.
I’ve been camped out in a graveyard of sorts for quite some time. Even my FB friend collection feels like just another dimension of dead relationships that no longer serve me. No matter how many new groups I join or new virtual friends I add… it just seems like a fruitless endeavor. It’s hard to watch people fade away that don’t match you anymore. It’s hard to watch like when you don’t love a mate anymore & you break the news. You want them to be happy and so you continue to try to serve them in some way, but to no avail because what they needyou no longer have. And, vice versa. That said, from now on I’ve decided to pretend that no one is watching & just DANCE. I will keep producing, publishing & creating. That’s what I do, that’s what I got, that’s my purpose & that is what I am here for.
I’m not going to lower the volume of my spirit, dim my light, or dull my shine, just because I feel like people can’t handle it, aren’t paying attention, are too busy, don’t really give a hoot or appear to vehemently resist most of the uncomfortable truths that I typically unmask. I’m not gonna NOT use big or extravagant words sometimes cause the reader might have to Google it. (God forbid, my stuff isn’t on a 5th-grade reading level) Life is not about making yourself small to fit in. And life is too short to stew in a cemetery of headstones that read in small print: here lies everything you’ve ever known that no longer serves you. The little voice in my head is whispering loudly: “Step away from the creepy woods & worn stones of old.” So, I’m just gonna boldly step forward & release whatever unhealthy crap is wallpapering my comfort zone, and soar on, friends… & you should too, if you are feeling that is what you need to do also.
The most precious gift you can give someone is your TIME, most of all… then, of course, your undivided attention, & being 100% authentic is always a given. And, I don’t get that from anyone, really, especially from the “usual suspects,” like the mom, friend, aunt, cousin, son. Quick example, I sent a handful of text messages back home to like 5 or 6 people including my son, his brothers, my cousin, & 2 guys I consider like brothers… about my books & my new YouTube channel & I received ZERO reply. That was a week or two ago. No congrats, no encouragement, no NOTHING, but radio silence. But, two days ago, I did get a random text from my son’s mother saying he got his driving permit. Which of course I cordially congratulated him on, like a respectful considerate human being that has manners should.
I refuse to give up. I might not have a family or support or intimacy or anyone who really believes in me or would even notice If I was gone or dead in here for a few days before decomp set in… but, I am okay with that. I believe in me, & my Angels, guides & cats do too, & that’s what I got. It’s just more of a reason to continue to be blatantly honest with real talk in real-time, push forward with everything I have inside, not feel defeated, attacked or falsely defined, & especially not allow old programs to sabotage my greatness & foreseeable success. I am going to keep believing in my dreams despite the odds. I didn’t come this far to not be seen or heard. I am meant for big things, the curtain is just about to open. I will keep you posted then, thanks for reading.
Click below to get your copies of my two new books & read all about my life story in them. Or follow any of the links to jump on my team, would love to have ya. And, I made an incredible “music video” for my books down below featured on my new Youtube channel if you want to check out my newest Art. Just PRESS PLAY below & it won’t even redirect, it plays right here & now. Thanks!
